18294 days. Days theoretically left for me to live. And on occasion I still find myself wasting time. Life is so precious and yet I cannot help myself. I need to change my environment even more in order to create a kind of life that I would find valuable.
But the problem then goes back what does it mean for life to be valuable, a fulfilled life. It cannot be just about being happy. That seems too ridiculous. Long term happy? What difference does it make? If I were to live a short life with happiness versus a long life with sadness and some happiness then I would have experienced same amount of happiness. Is sadness a necessity? I am not sure. Sometimes this sadness can be too overwhelming. To get some genuine happiness for this sadness doesn't seem to be worth it.
It's pathetic that these musings are coming from someone who in the big picture is a fairly lucky person and well off. There are people who don't even know that when they wake up tomorrow will they get a chance to eat something. I cannot waste my time like this.
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